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“Squared Love”: Cheesy Dialogues, Hollow Plotline, Melodramatic Wrapping


R E V I E W – M O V I E


Fiana Islam


Duration: 2h 13min

Genre: Comedy, Romance

Initial Release: 11 February 2021 (USA)

Distributor: Netflix


Is sitting through a 2-hour-long movie that does not even make sense in the first place even worth it? Well, not receiving even a single date on Valentine’s Day must have messed up my head so bad that I decided to give this movie a watch as a gift to myself. But that did not work out, you see.

Squared Love (original title: Miłość Do Kwadratu), as anything hailing from the rom-com genre suggests, is a film that contains a romantic story with plotlines that were intended to be humourous, but turned out to be hollow instead. Released just before this Valentine, this is yet another addition to the feel-good pieces like Holidate, To All The Boys, and The Kissing Booth franchise that Netflix has started bringing up lately. Similarly, Squared Love, though for one second, it might make you feel good, while it will also make you rethink it all the next second.

The movie starts with the story of two young people—Klaudia, a famous model, and Enzo, a…well, I still don’t know how to put it right, a part-time car model and a full-time womaniser maybe? The female lead here is also a Junior School teacher, and her actual name is Monica. To pay the debt her father owes to some goons, Monica disguises herself as a super hot model with her wig, fake lashes, lenses and leads a double life to make more money. In a way, her struggle might make sense but what does not though, is that nobody recognises her when she puts on all the getup as a model. Ring a bell? Hannah Montana or Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi or Clark Kent from Man of Steel, you name it.

The movie follows a somewhat smooth patch throughout. There is some interesting chemistry between the lead roles—sometimes it is romance or otherwise, just friendship. There are some extremely annoying and unnecessary side characters, though. With no relevance whatsoever, they just tend to appear throughout the whole movie. Besides, some scenes are incoherent and scattered, as well as the plot itself. For example: the reason or source of Klaudia’s father’s debt is very unclear. Also, despite having to work her guts out, not for once does she or her father take any legal help; which felt a little peculiar as well.

Although there are a lot of flaws, the one thing that feels somewhat okay-ish is that this movie is not really boring. Even when there was nothing relevant to show, the makers somehow filled it up well with emotional hard-to-realise cheesy dialogues. However, the overall performance was below average in my opinion, except for the lady in the lead role (Adrianna Chlebicka).

I am not going to spoil the insides for you. Many might find this movie cheerful or just an ordinary one with a touch of glamour. A lot of things goes on in between the scenes without ever reaching any climax. There are turns, but no twists. The wrapping is also way too melodramatic and visibly cringe-y. It almost feels as if the writers really tried hard to make it a successful love story but ultimately jumbled everything up just to deliver a happy ending. Heartbreaking, isn’t it?

If you intend to watch this movie, make sure you don’t have any high-end expectations. Grab your pops, find it on Netflix, and do me a favour—decipher this following statement made by Monica’s dad, “Real love is always squared.” 

I really didn’t understand the man.

 


Fiana is a human-ish writer by day and a Scorpio coven witch by nightfall. Reach out to her @_ffikipedia_ to share any thoughts. 

 

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