R E C O M M E N D A T I O N – A N I M E
Adrita Zaima, Lamia Karim
Welcome. We’ve heard that you love to put yourself through immense pain by watching utterly horrible shows? We, as normal human beings, can’t relate. What we can do, however, is provide you with a few of those horrible titles. This list hopes to make sure you start off this month doing exactly what you love.
Attack on Titan
It is less Attack on Titan and more Attack on parental control restrictions. Nudity, violence, and racism are all this show has made a name off of. If that sounds like your cup of tea then make yourself comfortable, studios like MAPPA and WIT are going to be serving you some of that steaming beverage you’re so fond of.
Everything constituting this show is one-dimensional — be it the protagonist and the people who follow him around like he’s some sort of a messiah, or the titans and even an inanimate object such as a syringe — and their only objective is to kill. All this show talks about is killing or eating, or killing or being killed. It might fool you into thinking that there is more to the plot but in actuality, it is nothing more than an edgy gorefest.
The titans provide a good amount of nudity through season 1 and 2. While that fluctuates from season to season, the racism stays fairly constant throughout the series. It’s a wonder how SJWs still haven’t gone full haywire about this show yet.
It was noted that the latest season of AoT had struck an interesting conversation within a niche anarchist subreddit. If you feel like you’re the type of macho man to join them in their discussion go ahead give it a watch, just make sure you’re above the age of 13 though.
Grave of the Fireflies
Ever heard of sappy war-movies designed to wring tears out of even the most heartless of brutes? Grave of the Fireflies is the epitome of that trope, only in reverse. It turns you into a dull, emotionless void and leaves you staring stone-facedly at your screen, wondering what in the name of God have you just watched.
A brother-sister pair left to survive in an anarchic Japan during World War 2, fending off against the evils of hunger and society while also trying to live their lives to the fullest — that plot can surely not kindle any form of true sadness in a true veteran otaku, right? Grave of the Fireflies tries so hard to stir the viewers’ sympathy through an unnecessary dramatisation of the sibling bond and by exploiting the characters’ pain, that it’s almost pathetic.
Don’t know about fireflies, but this 89-minute-long absurdity is certainly a grave for the fans of truly good emotional movies. And, if that pit is where you want to be, Grave of the Fireflies should be at the top of your list.
Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood
Here is how to ruin an anime in five simple steps, provided to you by the creators of Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood:
- Boom, bang, boom, and more bang. Embellish your entire 64-part anime series with little more than these sounds and some lousy dialogues.
- Constantly raise pillars by shattering the earth and blast fire at your opponents. Provide no relief apart from a couple of really shabby gag scenes that will leave a viewer feeling secondhand embarrassment. And try to establish a ridiculous brother-brother relationship (that is unironically meant to be heart-warming).
- Try to play with deeper concepts about the realities of life and death but, at the core, be just another anime about mindless military machismo and violence.
- Have a cast that is the product of what happens if you try to inject emotions into run-of-the-mill characters and give them oh-so-sad backstories.
- Give in-battle commentary. Be sure to speak about your next move with your enemy before trying to land a blow.
For those of you who read the above steps and saw the recipe for the perfect anime of your dreams, what are you waiting for? Go and watch Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood.
The best way to describe Death Note is by comparing it with its sitcom equivalent, Friends. For each unfunny joke that is masked by a laugh track in Friends, an equally stupid scene is highly dramatised by adrenaline-pumping background music in Death Note.
It is difficult to decide if Death Note has more delusional characters than foolish ones or vice versa. Some of them see death-gods while others believe they are gods themselves. Yet, what they truly become, at the end of the day, are total laughing stocks for the viewers. And the OST is like a cherry on top. It is similar to watching an episode of Impractical Jokers, but all you can hear is just suspenseful music similar to the ones used in horror films which, as you would’ve guessed, make it tenfold the funnier.
Death Note has been mistyped. Don’t let the genre tags mislead you into thinking it’s anything less than an extremely hilarious, try-hard, mystery anime. Give this comedic show a chance to occupy your limiting spare-time after a tiresome workday; since laughter is, truly, the best medicine.
Neon Genesis Evangelion
Let us take a trip down the memory lane back to the times when we were suffering through the final years of middle school. And one specific category of people that come to mind who made that suffering all the more intense was this bunch of teenagers who thought it was cool to flex an overwhelming amount of knowledge around their peers. And Neon Genesis Evangelion was probably their ultimate favourite show to watch.
Full of subtextual themes regarding various convoluted philosophies, this show is nothing but a huge flex. The only point it is trying to make through its deranged characters is that it is way smarter than all the other anime series in the market. Its viewers are the same people who use Twitter with pride and also happen to be 14 year-olds who were bullied throughout their childhood and are now compensating for that by following Billie Eilish religiously.
If you associate with the kinds of people aforementioned, we think Neon Genesis Evangelion should be the next on your thoughtful watchlist. We also wish you appoint yourself a visit to a psychiatrist as soon as time allows.
The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya
If you are in search of an anime that will make you so melancholic that, by the end of it, you will be carrying a lump in your throat, a shovel over your shoulder, and half a heart to bury yourself alive, then look no further. The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya is sure to make you feel all that and so, so much more.
Haruhi Suzumiya is a weird mixture of unfunny routines, Sci-fi elements that result in the plot being so redundantly convoluted that it’s impossible to even fathom where the story starts and ends, and probably the most annoying and unoriginal cast of characters in the whole of anime.
However, why melancholic, you ask? Well, because there is no better word to describe an anime that has a brat-y protagonist who distorts reality because she is lonely, and an unreliable narrator who drools while watching a hyper-sexualised side character doing fan-service.
Nevertheless, if this depressive oddball of an anime appeals to you, who are we to judge? By all means, go ahead, shed some tears, and shower The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya with your (much needed) love.
And as a footnote from the writers — Happy April Fool’s, everyone 🙂
The writers are an odd pair of teenagers who are sure to become afflicted with RSI soon due to the outrageous amount of humourless jokes that they type out to each other over Zoom.