F A N F I C T I O N
We all know that one Fushi-Hayase bed scene from To Your Eternity is stuck in our heads, and for good reason. This unexpected, however short scene, seems like a shallow addition to the story crafted only to satiate needless guilty pleasures and entice the audience (or perhaps enrage them), but a little wishful thinking from this tentative turning point of the series can take things down a completely new road:
“Huh? What’s with the long hair all of a sudden? And this scar on my face? Is this me?” These are the questions confounding poor Fushi as he gazes into the mirror, and staring back at him is a puzzled and disheveled woman from Yanome.
“What in the world have I done?”
“There’s no use thinking about that now, Fushi. It’s too late.”
Once again, Fushi’s creator was being no help at all.
“These flashbacks I’m having… and what the hell are YOU doing here? I thought I was supposed to be with Tonari-”
“Tonari? Interesting. You haven’t been with her since yesterday. Let me tell you what REALLY happened…”
(back in time a handful of hours ago)
“I want a taste of that irresistible immortality of yours. You are SO going to give me what I want.”
Give who what?
Yes, you’re now under pursuit by the notorious Hayase… or no wait, could it be… Tonari? Is it really her? Fushi’s so high on Western Morning Glory, he can’t seem to tell two from two and decide whether the woman crawling on top of him and tugging at his coat is the person he despises or the one he desires. He attempts to rub his eyes to set his world straight, but is too distracted by all the “stimuli” he was receiving from whoever this was. On second thought, even though it’s unlike anything he’s ever encountered before, it actually felt quite delightful.
Or so he thinks.
It’s getting dark outside now, which must mean Fushi had passed out again. Or is this all a dream? The woman messing around with him was still there, and now she looks very much like the tan-skinned girl he thinks he has a shot with. She mutters something about teaching him “love” and continued to do this weird act with Fushi’s arms and legs that was now getting kinda annoying. Love? What’s that?
Whatever it was, it involved yanking something between Fushi’s legs that wasn’t half as interesting as what she was doing earlier, sending him flying off into the air in pain and forcing him to take the form of a wolf to protect his personal space. Ain’t no one ever doing THAT to him again.
But fast forward a couple of minutes later, and now he’s having his fur licked sparkly clean (isn’t it supposed to be the other way around?). Has Tonari really lost it now?
No, little Fushi. You’re the one who’s lost it.
Fushi determines his fail-safe escape strategy in a matter of seconds, but in the very next matter of seconds, this blurry figure of a woman has a certain Ms. Parona pinned down on the bed and is practically drooling right now.
That was a wrong move, you immortal freak. Fushi dared not imagine what would have happened had he opted for March instead.
It was in Fushi’s best interest to not make any more rash moves tonight. But it wasn’t an option to keep playing slave either, especially now that Tonari is trying to pass down her ‘genes’ or something. Yikes. Wonder what THAT is. It’s better you didn’t know, dear Fushi.
With whatever hammered logic Fushi had left him in, he decided a rope to immobilise this person was the solution to all hell, but all it got in return was:
“Oooh. I didn’t know you were into that kind of stuff.”
You never learn, do you, Fushi?
Fushi realised he’d really messed up this time, and wasn’t going to let her get any more weird ideas. He chose to just play along and see where that got him.
Seems like you already forgot who you’re dealing with, little boy.
Whatever happened next happened real quick. Since all exhausted Fushi could do now was let her take advantage of him in ways he couldn’t yet comprehend, he gave in to every ridiculous request that went from blunt-edge swords to tied limbs to rocks to fruit (?) and last but not least, roleplay, which is kind of what Fushi does best (imagination is your limit). Moments later, a grown man wearing a helmet would be seen sprawled atop the bed, wheezing and gasping specks of fire in exasperation.
Amidst all that, she was constantly in the act of getting Fushi to “transfer his DNA”, but it wasn’t working because apparently, Fushi, she decided, was ‘rock-hard frigid’, and nowhere near the ideal companion she had hoped he’d be. Poor her. She’d have to keep trying a lifetime and still not get anything out of this undead life form. Not to mention she has no way of knowing if their offspring (assuming that’s even possible) would be a boy or girl or something in between. A werewolf wouldn’t be too surprising.
The only remaining way to satiate her immortality fetish was to end her very life in the hands of Fushi and become part of him once and for all, but this immortal guy, ironically, was too paranoid about mortality, and she didn’t want to pluck a nerve there and ruin her chances.
“You know what, Fushi, I’m feeling particularly adventurous today.”
Duh. Like that needed telling.
“Don’t you want me inside you, Fushi? Don’t you want to be together forever? Now be a good bear and gobble me up.”
Fushi wasn’t sure that was such a good idea.
But then again, who was he to complain? Never before had Fushi heard something so ridiculous he couldn’t manage to hold back his laughter, or in this case, his teeth, as he opened his ginormous mouth and gulped down his subject with as little delay as the suggestion came. This was farewell, then. *burp* Good riddance.
Not so quick.
The downside of being the strongest woman on the island was that even the mightiest blow can’t make mincemeat out of you, and so Hayase, who was now dripping with ursine digestive juices, attempted one last maneuver.
“Hey, immortal! You think you’re done with me? Turn back to a human this second!”
How in the world is she still alive in there?
“Gosh, what have I done… It must be the drug. Was I actually gonna kill-”
“Enough with your nonsense! Now hurry up!”
“But, I, I.. okay, if that’s what you want, Tonari, then for your sake… I’ll say goodbye to Oopa and the others on your part.”
“Huh? Who what? Tonari!? Who the hell have you been cheating on me with—”
Oops. You’re one second too late.
Thus the immortal Fushi remains a virgin, who had just reduced his tentative love interest to dust.
(meanwhile, back in reality)
“In other words, I’m stuck with this brat forever?”
Terrific, Fushi. Now you’ve really gone and done it.
“On second thought, I’m gonna go see Tonari and try out all my new moves…”
“Beware of the Nokkers, Fushi. They may be even more aggressive now that you—”
“Yeah, yeah, Nokker Schmokker. I’m gonna go enjoy my ‘life’ while I can. I’ll have an eternity to think about all that crap later!”
Abrar Jamil is a sucker for anime, ridiculous food combos, and would eat almost anything with chopsticks. Send him anime suggestions at [email protected]