Five Ideal Family Myths Debunked

6 Min Read

Umma Maimuna Alam

If you google the definition of an ideal family, you will be befuddled by the vague descriptions. Just like love, the notion of an ideal family is very abstract. It depends on an individual’s life, perception, and an acceptable feeling of being loved in a place that has sentimental value and security. But there are a few common, unfounded beliefs created by the society, giving a fallacious image of what an ideal family should be. Due to these views, many people think their families are not good enough. Therefore, I present five common ideal family myths that need to be debunked.


Size matters

There have been long debates among millennials regarding the sizes of family. Many give out reasons that nuclear families are better than joint families, as there are more chances of close relationships between parents and their respective children.

On the other hand, joint families are held to be a more acceptable place for bonding and continuation of the lineage. No matter how one views it, in the present world, if you have a supportive family helping you develop into an individual person, the size of the family does not matter.


Conflicts are always problematic

If you observe your hand, you will notice that all your fingers are of different sizes, but they are all yours, each significant. Similarly, even if all the members are brought up in the same family and share the same bloodline, there will always be differences in opinions, thoughts, beliefs, and so on. These differences can often result in disputes.

Nevertheless, as a human being, you have to develop amidst these differentiations. So, even if you have thousands of fights with your siblings, parents, or any other family member, resolve it. All families have fights. It does not mean you ended up in the wrong place.


Love is visible

Surviving in a world which has become materialistic and discernible, one often relies upon their feelings based on what is noticeable. If parents buy everything their child wants, this is perceived as affection. If one’s siblings hug and kiss one another, only then there is love.

Love is, by far, one of the most abstract feelings felt by humans. Therefore, love is not always on display. For instance, your mom asking if you ate, your brother cutting the chocolate in equal portions for all, your grandfather asking for your opinion on how he looks, your sisters laughing together judging that lame crush you had, and so many more little but significant moments symbolise true love, rather than the big birthday party where most of the people come for the cake instead of cherishing your existence. 


Modern families are not as intimate as our previous generation

Nowadays, we often hear our grandparents or elderly reminiscing about their times. One of the taunting claims is that present families are not as bonded or significant compared to their times. The main cause of this is held to be modernisation.

But I beg to differ. Maybe the ways of bonding have changed, but the main purpose of family remains the same. Previously, visiting hometowns and taking blessings from elders were means of showing love. But in today’s world, bonding can be found in grandma trying to learn how to pose for selfies with her grandson, or mothers making everyone do the chores instead of doing it all herself.

The methods may have changed, but modern families create new models of love and bonding. 


Families are the best place to grow in

Although my entire writing is focused on debunking the false images of ideal families, my final point is on the contrasting unpopular opinion that families are not always the ideal place for love and development. Starting from dysfunctional families to orphans who do not have a family of their own, the family is not always as phenomenal as it is defined to be.

A family can be a single person, formed with friends, a group of colleagues, or even some people you feel secure with. It’s not necessary for family to be perfect.


According to Brad Henry, “Families are the compass which guides us. They are an inspiration to reach great heights and our comfort when we occasionally falter.”

On the whole, there is no definite ideal family. Fights, love, bickering, security, joy, and so many more emotional and physical feelings are what individual experiences in a family. It is a blessing.


Being INFJ, Maimuna is constantly curious and chasing the thrill of living. Reach out [email protected] for any thoughts to share.

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