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Tasnim Zarin Adhira


For you the stone-made walls mean home because they give you shelter.

For you the family is your home because it provides you shelter.

For you that one room is your home because that’s where you were born.

For you the brick-made house is home where you can get three-times food.

For you that is home where you can wear pajamas and a tee, and roam around freely.

For you that is home where you can lay your head on your mother’s lap, or you can hug her.

For you that is home where you can play with your siblings.

 

And for me?

For me home was never a place,

It was a person.

 

I found my home in a person.

He was the most beautiful person on the earth in my eyes.

He would talk in a certain way that my eyes would sparkle.

He had this vision for life that more and more I wanted to taste it.

I found inner peace around him.

My heart was calm and my hands were warm when I was with him.

I would panic and he could calm me down.

I would say a line and he would know the next word.

I was just me with him.

And he… he took care of me like I were a bubble.

 

Perhaps, he loved me not more than I did, but he did.

It was real,

My home was real.

He was the happiest person, no matter how destructive the situations were.

But then, he was quiet.

More and more, the silence grew.

And I was worried and tired.

But one night, he talked after so long

And then I was homeless.

He is the saddest now

And I’m homeless.

 

Now I roam around this dull city,

Trying to breath when I panic and lose control

And my hands shake when I wake up in the middle of the night,

Thinking if all of these could be just another bad dream,

But I can’t even dare to have a sweet one 

As that will never come true

And I’m still homeless

And it’s been long since I sensed home.

 

Home — I know what I had

and I know what I have lost.

And yet, I’m homeless.

 

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